


Hail Mary

by mishasan7



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Humor, Lucifer Morningstar does not wear t shirts, Maze likes to beat people up, Maze loves football, Multi, Other, Sports, Trixie and Ella finally meet and there are friendly hugs with talk of disembowelment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:09:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/pseuds/mishasan7
Summary: Lucifer and Maze join Chloe, Dan and Ella's team for the LAPD's annual family football day. Lucifer learns about teamwork, there's a bit of biffo and just a smidge of that whump thing.Warning: Chest-deep fluff ahead. And mild swearing, because it’s fun and they don’t get to do it much on the show.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grym/gifts), [Praemonitor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Praemonitor/gifts).



> Set during the few days between ‘My Little Monkey’ and ‘Trip to Stabby Town’. The episodes all pretty much dovetail after that, so it has to be then!  
> For Praemonitor because we have a shared desire to see behind the scenes of the show, but also just because she’s awesome and I adore her work. Also for Grym for her many tips and encouragements, but also just because she’s awesome and I adore her work! You, ladies, are amazing :)  
> Got the idea when I heard about the historic Superbowl game back in early February. (Have I mentioned I’m a slow writer?) Our devil Tom Ellis was there, and he’s said in interviews he loves sport, plus there was that scene in Linda’s office where he juggled her ornaments (not a euphemism, tee hee) then caught one soccer-style behind his head.  
> Big thanks to Antarctic_Echoes for being my awesome LA connection!  
> Thanks also to YouTube and Football for Dummies.com :) I’m Aussie so hopefully I haven’t made the game sound too much like rugby.  
> I hope you enjoy it! It just kept getting longer and longer, because Lucifer and Chloe and Trixie and all the rest kept making suggestions and I had to keep putting them in.

It was a warm Sunday afternoon in Los Angeles and the LAPD’s annual family football day was in full swing.

Lake Balboa Park was scattered with noisy pockets of families firing up their barbecues in the reliable Californian sunshine, kids were happily chasing each other around the cherry trees clad in vivid autumn colours, and Detective Chloe Decker was pleasantly surprised at how nice everyone was being to her, although the cynical cop inside her was still a bit pissed.

Apparently all it took to redeem yourself after suspecting one of your own was the dirty cop in question coming back to life then framing your partner, kidnapping your daughter, and trying to kill you. Everyone had heard what had gone down with Malcolm Graham, and as a result was bending over backwards to assuage their guilt over how they’d treated her. She’d been vindicated and didn’t hold any (well, many) grudges, but she also wasn’t naive enough to think everyone was now suddenly her best friend. She didn’t really care though; she’d found her tribe and a partner she could count on. 

The turnout was the biggest they’d ever had, and Chloe suspected it was because the department, particularly the department wives (some new Lux regulars) were dying of curiosity about a certain civilian consultant. They’d all been snooping after Lucifer, asking what he was like and trying to find out if he was going to show. She was curious herself actually - most of the time it was damn near impossible to predict what that man would do. She thought she’d made a pretty good case to get him to come but knowing him there could be a whisky emergency or a patron could pop an implant or he’d get skittish at some personal thing she’d inadvertently said to him and go AWOL for another three weeks.

 

She spotted Trixie, running around laughing and yelling with some new friends, and smiled. Looking at her you’d never guess what she’d been through in just a few short months. Getting bullied at school, abducted by a psychopath, her parents’ marriage ending... Trixie had had to deal with a lot. The trauma counsellor had been very helpful, she was getting as many reassuring cuddles as she wanted, and Dan was making a huge effort to be there for them in spite of his ridiculous work schedule.

Nighttime was the hardest though, when memories of Malcolm surfaced in the darkness and Trixie’s nightmares chased her to her mother’s bed. Chloe’s spine turned to ice every time she thought of that night. How they had all survived was incomprehensible to her. Even though they’d both seen Lucifer… get shot, but _somehow_ be okay, Trixie had kept waking throughout that first night, crying inconsolably that Lucifer was dead. She hadn’t settled until Chloe had finally called him sometime around 3am so Trixie could hear his voice and be reassured he was okay. Chloe hadn't said anything, but she'd been relieved that Trixie had insisted. She hadn't realised just how much she'd needed to hear her partner's voice as well. He’d still been up, too, and sounded strange, oddly subdued. Maybe he hadn’t actually been as devil-may-care as he’d seemed after their close call.

They were all slowly healing - things were brighter in the daytime - and life was gradually returning to some semblance of normal.

Just then she heard Trixie’s voice stridently telling someone off, loud enough to carry across the lake and for several dozen heads to swivel in her direction. Chloe chuckled wryly.

“I guess she takes after you, huh? Kicking ass and taking names,” a familiar voice remarked beside her. Ella Lopez, helpful nerd and occasional drinking buddy, sidled up and squeezed her around the shoulder in greeting.

“Yeah, and I’m not sure how I feel about that yet,” Chloe answered drily.

Ella mock punched her in the arm. “Proud, of course! She’s been through the grinder lately but handling it like a trooper, just like her mom.” 

Just then the little lady in question spotted them and swerved to a stop in front of Chloe, slightly breathless and brushing tendrils of damp hair out of her eyes.

“Mommy can I have a drink, please?”

“Sure, monkey. Here you go.” She handed Trixie her water bottle and as Trixie drank, her dark eyes stayed on Ella.  Chloe’s heart twinged. Her baby was a lot more wary of strangers, even cops, since that bastard Malcolm. She vehemently wished there _was_ a Hell, so that he could fry in it.

Chloe put her arm reassuringly around her daughter’s shoulders. “Trixie babe, this is my good friend Ella. She works with Daddy, Lucifer and me.”

Ella gave Trixie an irresistible grin and casually remarked, “I hear from Lucifer that you’re a reeeally _great_ hugger…” She went down on one knee in the grass, her arms wide, palms out. “Guess what? Me too!”

At her mother’s delighted laugh Trixie’s face broke into a huge smile and what reservations she had went flying out the window. She went straight in for an epic hug; Chloe couldn’t tell who, but one of them even squealed.

“Very happy to finally meet you, Trix’!” Ella said, rising to her feet and letting Trixie return to her mom’s side. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Trixie looked at Ella with huge dark eyes. “How do you help Mommy? Do you catch bad guys too?”

Ella grinned. “Yes I do! I work in a forensics lab, where we test things that bad guys leave behind. We find out what they are and where they’re from, and then use them to find the bad guys. Then I tell your mom, and she goes with Lucifer to catch ‘em.”

Trixie’s eyes widened and she grabbed Ella’s hand. “Wait. You work in a _lab_ ? Are you a _chemist_?? Like Molly McDowell? Are you a ninja too?!”

Ella leaned down conspiratorially. “Well, I’m not a ninja, but just between us I do have a sword at home.”

Trixie’s jaw dropped. “A samurai sword?”

Ella shook her head. “No, it’s a _bat’leth_!” She gave the word an almost angry inflection, with a fierce look on her face. Trixie jumped a little, looked up at her mother, then back at Ella.

“The ‘Sword of Honor’! The weapon of choice for Klingon warriors!” Ella explained, quickly warming to her subject. “It’s like a sword and shield in one. You can use it to stab, block, strike, deflect, slice _and_ disembowel. And it’s light, so you can swing it one-handed like a baseball bat. It’s like a supersized Swiss army knife!”

“Cool!” Trixie’s eyes sparkled. Then she turned and frowned up at her mother. “What does ‘disembowel’ mean?”

Ella, wide-eyed, mouthed _sorry_ at Chloe and facepalmed. Chloe grinned at her with a _don’t worry about it_ expression, then down at her daughter.

“Daddy’ll tell you.”

Keen to forestall more questions about blades and carnage, she looked around the park.

“Where’s _your_ family, Ella?”

Ella laughed. “Are you kidding me? My brothers wouldn’t come within ten miles of all these cops. Their butts would pucker so hard they’d walk with a limp. Besides, my family’s mostly back in Detroit. My brother Ricardo is here but… I haven’t seen the little punk since last Christmas.”

Just then the deafening roar of a revving V-8 engine came from the parking lot. Ella’s head whipped around and she gazed longingly at a familiar sleek black convertible pulling in between a couple of family cars.

“1962 black-on-black Corvette Roadster. That car is to die for,” she sighed wistfully. “I wonder if he’d ever let me take it for a spin?”

Chloe knew ‘he’ could be surprisingly generous, but somehow she doubted ‘he’ would. Knowing what she did about the friendly lab tech and her car-boosting past she suspected _drive it like you stole it_ might be her mantra, and Lucifer was quite fussy about his beloved ‘Vette. But then again, she figured, if Maze hadn’t broken the girls’ night code of secrecy, what Lucifer didn’t know about Ella’s slightly shady past couldn’t hurt him. She worked for the police now, for crying out loud.

Ella chattered on, watching Lucifer and his companion hop out of the car. “I don’t see Mazikeen. Do you know if she’s coming? I’ve seen her ‘round the precinct bringing in perps the last couple days - still not a hugger, is she? Not surprising a stone cold badass like her got a job in bail enforcement.”

Ella squinted at the pair. “Who’s the dude? Boyfriend?”

“God, no! That’s Lucifer’s brother. Amenadiel.”

“Huh? _Lucifer’s_ brother?”

“Yeah. Same dad, far as I know, so... different moms? Or one of them was adopted. They’re pretty cagey about it. They seem close, though they fight a lot.”

Ella giggled. “Same dad? So we’re talking...?”

Chloe shrugged noncommittally. She was sure Lucifer’s insistence that he was the _actual_ Lucifer, The Devil, and that his father was in fact God was masking much deeper issues, and she didn’t feel comfortable discussing his family further, even with Ella. As far as the cheery lab tech was concerned, Lucifer was simply a performer who was really committed to his role, but Chloe had seen for herself the horrific scars on Lucifer’s back, and heard him speak with heartbreaking self-loathing many times. She didn’t know why he identified himself as Satan, but she knew it was about much more than just ‘playing a part’. For some reason he still wasn’t ready to confide in her, and even though he proclaimed to have always been open and honest with her there was still that part of him that remained shrouded in mystery, curled around some hidden, secret pain. She just had to be patient; she suspected that if she pressed the issue he’d just clam up, or bolt, or both.

They watched Lucifer pop the trunk and lift out a medium-sized cardboard box. As he was speaking to Amenadiel another car screeched into the parking lot; Maze’s black Dodge Charger. Maze got out and walked right past the two men, though she seemed to ignore Amenadiel in particular. _Hmm_ , Chloe thought. Her flatmate seemed even more antagonistic than usual; she had a past with Amenadiel? Neither Maze nor Lucifer had said anything, though maybe that was why Lucifer got all those black eyes a while back, and why Maze moved out of Lucifer’s place … she stopped and shook her head. She couldn’t help her cop instincts, but she dismissed her musings; it was none of her business.

Lucifer shrugged and said a few words to his brother who then walked off towards the lake, and Lucifer hurried to catch up with Maze as she prowled across the grass. Chloe was already surprised that Lucifer had even showed up, but she was even more astonished to see him in casual clothes, including a... t-shirt? Was he having another weird ‘dress like Dan’ day? No, the shirt was deep red, not Dan’s colour at all, with a black long sleeve underneath and expensive black workout pants instead of jeans.

Maze wore an identical red shirt knotted at her midriff, with very, very brief black leather shorts. Male and female heads turned all around them but for once Lucifer didn’t seem to notice, he just caught her eye and grinned that cheeky grin of his. Chloe couldn’t help the smile that twitched the corners of her mouth in response - Lucifer was up to something. He looked so damn pleased with himself.

“Detective! Ms. Lopez! How lovely to see you! And… er… offspring...” Lucifer walked the last few feet cautiously, holding the box in front of him like a shield. It didn’t do any good; Trixie yelled “Lucifer!” and dived over to hug him around the waist, and then Ella got him as well, pinning his arms. He sighed, then looked skywards with a long-suffering look on his face, waiting patiently for them to let him go. It was just another oddity of Lucifer that he was comfortable with impersonal pecks on the cheek but always got squirrelly over a good old hug. No matter, Chloe thought, eventually we’ll squeeze that British reserve out of him.

Ella looked him up and down. “Looking sporty, dude! But I always thought you were opposed to t-shirts on general principle.”

Lucifer grimaced. “No, no, this isn’t a t shirt, Dad forbid! It’s a jersey. I had it made.” He dropped the box and with a self-satisfied smirk turned around so they could all see that it had ‘MORNINGSTAR’ in large black letters across the back.

“The Detective explained that since this was to be a family day we wouldn’t be playing ‘shirts’ vs ‘skins’, more’s the pity…” he affected a mournful expression and Chloe and Ella looked at each other in amusement - “So I decided our team needed some proper kit. See, my lovelies? I got jerseys for you too.”

He flipped open the box and dug through it with the enthusiasm of a kid opening presents on Christmas morning. Sure enough, he had matching red jerseys for the whole team. Trixie ran off to fetch Dan, and when he shook out his jersey everyone was half expecting it to have ‘DOUCHE’ on the back… thankfully it had ESPINOZA. Lucifer noticed their expressions and complained that he had originally wanted to put ‘SIR D’ on it; it had apparently taken Maze to point out the rather obvious drawback that if he did, Dan wouldn’t wear it. Dan huffed a laugh and merely shook his head in exasperation - he seemed much more tolerant of Lucifer these days. At least, it’d been a good long while since he’d threatened to shoot him.

Even Trixie got her own miniature jersey. Lucifer handed it to her and added, “Here you go, Beatrice - you’re the mascot.” Trixie was delighted. She put it on over the top of her t shirt, yelled “Thanks Lucifer!”, and raced off to show the other kids.

 

“Why does yours say ‘MAZIKEEN’ and not ‘SMITH’, Maze?” Ella asked curiously, as she pulled on her LOPEZ jersey.

Maze looked at her like she was stupid. “Because it’s my _name_.”

O-kay then. Maybe as a bounty hunter she was going the single name route, like Greedo?

“You didn’t bring a plus one today? Me neither. I asked Linda if she wanted to come but she’s out of town for a couple days.”

Maze grumbled. “I know. I asked her too. Something about her family.” She enunciated the word _family_ with the same lip-curling disgust with which you might say _gonorrhea_.

“Yeah I hear you. Family can be such a monumental pain in the ass sometimes can’t they? Where are your people?”

“In Hell.”

Ella laughed and slapped Maze on the shoulder. “Michigan?! Seriously? No way dude! I’m from Detroit. The big smoke. When we were kids we were always telling each other to go to Hell, and when Ma yelled at us we just said we meant the one down the M-14. Small world, hey? Only an hour away!”

Maze stared impassively at her, then shook her head. “ _Literally_ Hell.”

Ella made sympathetic noises. “Yeah, dude, I can imagine. You’re definitely not a small town kinda girl, I’m not surprised you moved to LA. I mean, I even got bored in _Detroit_!”

Maze gave up. _Humans._

 

Everyone in their fifteen-strong team got a named jersey, much to their delight. Lucifer rubbed his hands in anticipation.

“Lovely! Everyone looks the part now. It’s been an age since we had a good battle, hasn’t it Mazie?”

 _Battle_? Chloe groaned. “You’re not one of those super competitive sporting types are you? Today’s supposed to be fun! It's just a game, Lucifer.”

Lucifer’s almost-black eyes bored into hers. ‘Just a game’? Did you not say, Detective, when you implored me to attend this shindig, that the opposition call your team the ‘Dropkicks’, and I quote, _we always get blasted off the scoreboard and more than anything I want to wipe the smug smirks right off their faces_?”

Actually that did ring a bell.

“Well yes, I did, but no one’s wearing helmets or pads and it’s supposed to be low contact, so…”

Lucifer frowned. “Helmets? Pads? That’s being a bit precious don’t you think? Shin guards perhaps, though of course I don’t need them…” His eyes flickered. “Well, usually.”

Ella cut in. “No dude, that’s Association Football. Soccer. This is American football. You know, gridiron?” Chloe didn’t bother hiding her surprise.

Ella made a dismissive gesture. “Four brothers, remember? We’ve played every code at one time or another.”

Understanding lit Lucifer’s face. “Ah I see! Well in _that_ case... I bags being the quarterback.”

Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Do you even know what a quarterback does, Lucifer?”

Lucifer looked affronted. “Of course, duh! I grab the ball and run to the end of the pitch.” Then he grinned lecherously. “And then I grab the head cheerleader and...”

Chloe cut him off with a raised hand. “Okay, okay, I get the picture. Your playing knowledge is limited to watching horny college movies.”

He was gazing off to the sidelines, probably looking for cheerleaders, so she snapped her fingers to regain his attention.

“Well, for a start it’s not a pitch, it’s a field. And second, you don’t _just_ run with the ball, you can also hand it off to someone else to run it down, or throw it, especially if you get in trouble with the Goon Squad’s defenders.”

“Goon Squad?”

Dan grinned. “Chloe’s name for the other guys.”

Lucifer smiled. “I like it. So what’s our proper team name, then? Because I refuse to be associated with ‘dropkicks’, unofficial or otherwise.”

 

Apparently they didn’t have a name yet, and that kicked off a lively debate. Ella pointed out since they had a devil (Lucifer), a demon (Maze), a cherub (Trixie), and a scattering of different faiths they could be the God Squad (“like in this awesome comic where a bunch of gods team up to battle the invading Skrull Pantheon!”).

Gods vs Goons had a nice ring to it, but naturally Lucifer hated it. He suggested the Rebels, or the Legion of the Damned.

Dan told him to speak for himself.

Maze suggested the Hellraisers, but Chloe thought it was a bit obvious. And she didn’t want to give Trixie any excuse to say “hell”.

During the discussion Trixie returned and listened quietly to the ideas being bandied about. After a while she piped up, “How about the Red Ninjas?”

Red Ninjas it was.

 

*************************************

Everyone split up to mingle before the game. Lucifer was soon doing the rounds, flirty, chatty and charming, several dozen pairs of eyes following his every move. Chloe spotted him every so often and had to laugh at him working the crowd like it was Lux on a Friday night - he was a social butterfly, entertaining and enchanting as he went. There was something almost… regal about him, about how he carried himself, like he was a benevolent lord amongst his subjects, though that illusion was regularly shattered by his endlessly inappropriate jokes, merciless teasing and dirty laughter. Before long, Chloe suspected most of the wives were dying to drag him home while the husbands were dying to drag him out back and kick the shit out of him.

Chloe was enjoying herself much more this year, what with no longer being a pariah, for starters, but she was also feeling good about their chances of winning. The Ninjas included men and women from various divisions in the department, and while it had a lower percentage of former high school quarterbacks and all-round jocks than the opposition, everyone enjoyed playing ball and had some skills. In particular Sanchez from Tech played for a local team, desk cop Kalama (she was still mad at Lucifer for using his hypno-whammy on her during the Robbie Russell case) was a keen rugby player, and young uniform Gerard was renowned for his parkour moves while chasing down suspects.

Chloe herself was quick on her feet and could take down someone twice her size; did it all the time with perps. Dan had been training harder since they split and was in even better shape than when they’d first met. Ella was scrappy and had four brothers - enough said. Maze she’d seen beat up a warehouse full of gangbangers and had no doubts she’d be a huge asset, possibly even a secret weapon.

And Lucifer... she’d seen for herself that Lucifer was fast, and far stronger than he looked, but he was also a bit of a wild card and she knew how much he hated rules. And she had no idea if he’d actually _played_ any team sports, because when she’d asked him he’d grinned and answered, in his usual mischievous way, ‘Of course, Detective! … Tag teaming, certainly. And I regularly go for gold in the Bedroom Olympics.’ Of course.

 

Fifteen minutes before the game was due to start Chloe started gathering the team. She spotted Lucifer in an animated conversation with Walsh from Vice - she was fairly confident her partner wasn’t accidentally incriminating himself with his extensive knowledge of the LA drug scene, judging by the way the detective kept touching him on the arm and laughing uproariously. Chloe smiled and beckoned to him and Lucifer excused himself, much to Walsh’s disappointment. On his way over he was intercepted by her three least favourite colleagues - homicide dicks Keith Cordell, Frank Shalhoub and Jack Henderson.

Shit.

They’d been friends of Anthony Paolucci - Cordell had been his new partner, assigned after Malcolm went into the coma. She felt a twinge of sorrow remembering the fallen detective; sure Paolucci had been an asshat but he’d also been a good cop. And loyal, though of course he hadn’t known that any loyalty to his crooked partner was completely undeserved. Despite the fact she’d been proven right about Malcolm, Paolucci’s buddies still had it in for her, and for Lucifer too now, as they’d been with Paolucci in the Paddock Bar the day Lucifer had punched him.

And knowing Lucifer, he wouldn’t waste an opportunity to bust their balls if they made an issue out of it. As she watched them talking, Lucifer said something and laughed, but the others just stood there, rising anger apparent in the set of their shoulders and the clench of their fists. She sighed and headed over.

 

*************************************

“Why don’t you go back to where you came from, you Limey fruit.”

Lucifer smiled pleasantly and looked over the three men suddenly blocking his path. The one who’d spoken had a bald head and the look of a middleweight boxer, even down to the fighter’s stance. The two who flanked him were younger, one of them also bald with glasses and heavy dark eyebrows and the other more slightly built with more than enough hair for all three of them.

“If my own flesh and blood can't persuade me I doubt you knobheads will change my mind,” he replied conversationally. He looked closer and regarded them with sudden interest.

“Wait - I suspect we’ve met before, though you’re hardly memorable. Hmm, let me guess.”

He pointed at each of them in turn. “Doctor Evil, 21 Jump Street and... Bald Groucho Marx.” He smirked and bounced on the balls of his feet. “Am I close?”

The boxer/ Dr Evil muttered, “You punched Tony at the Paddock bar, asshole.”

Lucifer smiled in recognition. “Ah yes, I remember you now. Your _mate_ offended me by insulting the Detective in my presence. What was it I called him again? ‘Sack of arse’?” Lucifer laughed, his posture nonchalant but his dark eyes glittering with hostility. “He won’t make that mistake again, will he?”

The youngest man bristled. “You shut up about Tony!”

Lucifer retorted, “Wasn’t me that brought him up, sunshine. Now, do you mind? Even immortals don’t have time to waste on pointless conversations.”

Suddenly he sensed the Detective by his side. Turning, he saw that her face wore the steely expression that usually meant someone was in trouble. He found her temper highly arousing on occasion, though unfortunately it was usually directed at himself and without the prospect of angry sex to alleviate it. She looked good and pissed off right now though - was she going to help give these fellows a kicking?

“Come on, guys, save it. It’s a family day. Let’s keep things nice for the kids.”

Oh. Diplomacy. He should have known.

“Decker.” Boxer Lad spat her name like an insult... Lucifer yearned to throw him into a tree. 

“Cordell.” Chloe replied levelly. She really didn’t get why this asshole was… such an asshole. She barely even knew the guy.

“And as for you…” Cordell looked contemptuously at Lucifer as they turned to leave. “Game starts soon. We’re gonna mess up that nice hair for you, pretty boy.”

Lucifer peered at the back of Cordell’s bald head and clucked sympathetically. “I’d offer to do the same for you but… well, too late.” Then he whispered to Chloe, “I think Jump Street stole it.”

After they’d left Chloe turned and punched him in the arm. Hard.

“Provoking grieving cops? You want to start a brawl at a family event? What the hell’s wrong with you?”

“Ow!” Lucifer frowned, rubbing his arm. “Wrong with _me_? Just the usual. Those wankers were the ones looking for a fight, Detective.”

Chloe nodded impatiently. “Yeah, I know, I saw that. But you were egging them on - I heard the ‘sack of ass’ thing. You just don’t speak ill of the dead, Lucifer, especially not to their friends, especially so soon after they were murdered in cold blood! I mean, _shit_!”

“Why not? Paolucci died weeks ago. And he _was_ a complete sack of arse, if you’ll recall,” Lucifer sniffed. “He wasn’t automatically granted sainthood just for the fact he was murdered you know - there’s actually quite a stringent selection process. It’s all very clique-y and superior and quite literally _holier-than-thou_.”

Chloe shook her head in disbelief. “No he wasn’t a saint, but he wasn’t a bad guy, either, Lucifer, just unlucky to have been partnered with one. Show a little compassion and cut those guys some slack. You know, turn the other…”

Lucifer cut her off. “Don’t say it.” Upon seeing the pleading look in the Detective’s blue-green eyes however, he relented. “Very well. For your sake, I shall endeavour to be more… lenient.”

“Okay, good. Thanks.” Chloe took a deep breath and blew it out again. “Okay, it’s nearly game time. Let’s go find the others.”

 

 *************************************

They stood on the field in a huddle with the rest of the team and quickly ran through the basics for the two noobs. Player positions were fairly ad hoc but Maze said she’d stay close to Lucifer, probably so she could do her ‘bodyguard’ thing. Dan said if she was okay with both blocking and receiving she could be a tight end, at which Lucifer laughed wickedly, slapped her ass, and said she’d be a natural. Not that it mattered much; plays tended to be fairly chaotic, intercepts frequent, with everyone just trying to pass or run the ball without worrying about penalties unless someone got hurt.

Lieutenant Monroe called everyone to attention. “Okay people, let’s get started so we can finish before the food’s ready. Touchdowns are a point, we’ll start with a throw-off, no rushes and we won’t bother with the 10-yard first down.”

Lucifer cocked his head and remarked, “It’s strange… I know Olivia is speaking English but I still haven’t the foggiest idea what she just said.”

Dan snorted. “And you wanna be the quarterback?”

“Relax, Daniel. I know what to do. I’ve seen _Forrest Gump_.”

 

*************************************

The whistle blew and the Goons came at them.

Ten minutes later Dan had to hand it to Lucifer: he had game. The club owner was unbelievably quick on his feet and went after the ball with an intensity that belied his usual air of indifferent smartassery. He also seemed to have a lack of regard for his own safety that was both alarming and exhilarating to watch. He dodged and weaved and turned on a dime, and he was managing… really, _annoyingly_ well for a guy who seemed to live on late nights, whisky and cigarettes. The guy just did not stop... Dan accidentally overheard Chloe say something to Ella about ‘tremendous stamina’, which he _really_ wished he hadn’t.

Dan had an uncharitable thought that maybe Lucifer had taken uppers or something, but he dismissed it with a scoff. Even Morningstar wouldn’t be brazen enough to get high surrounded by several dozen cops, including some from Vice. Though… there _was_ that time he smoked a joint at a crime scene… no. Maybe he was just secretly a CrossFit fanatic or something.

While he was surprisingly athletic, Lucifer was definitely not a team player; he seemed to want to take on the entire Goon Squad single-handed. His height and speed certainly made him a strong presence on the field - Dan could tell the guys on the other team really didn’t like looking up at him (to be perfectly honest Dan didn’t like it either but he’d kinda gotten used to it), and he could also tell that Lucifer noticed, and was doing his level best to monster them as much as possible.

He also seemed to be greatly enjoying the trash talk side of things, bestowing corny nicknames on all the opposition and mocking them at every opportunity. Cordell was getting mightily pissed at constantly being called ‘Dr Evil’, but Johnson with his white blond hair thought it was hilarious when Lucifer christened him ‘Frank Drebin’. He even started referring to Lucifer as ‘Hellboy’, which both Lucifer and Ella seemed to approve of. Dan was actually a little envious of big Dave Rolfe’s nickname - ‘Robocop’ - so named because he had a titanium plate and screws in his wrist after a routine traffic stop gone sideways.

Dan would’ve liked that one, though nearly anything would be an improvement on ‘Detective Douche’.

 

The first time Lucifer got his hands on a fumble he took off up the field like a… well... a bat out of hell. He sidestepped his way out of trouble like he had eyes in the back of his head, and bolted past several of the Goons’ defense. A couple of guys managed to get to him but somehow Lucifer just… ran over the top of them. The Ninjas scored a touchdown!

A loud cheer arose from the sidelines and the team converged on Lucifer, whooping and slapping him on the back. Chloe’s face was shining with excitement and she smiled up at her partner in a way that made Dan’s heart ache. Lucifer strutted back down the field like he owned it, wiggling his fingers at the Goons with a huge smug grin on his face that Dan kind of wanted to punch.

 

Lucifer’s approach didn’t work on successive attempts though; since he’d made himself a target the Goons just beelined for him en masse each play until the turnover. One defender barely slowed him down, but even Morningstar’s mountain goat agility couldn’t get him out from under half a dozen of them, and the club owner’s stubborn refusal to pass the ball made it impossible to get past their defense.

Chloe noted that three Goons in particular were consistently piling on Lucifer, and that they were being rather more aggressive than necessary getting him down. Lucifer didn’t seem to care in the slightest however and came up smirking every time. While Chloe had to admit she enjoyed seeing Cordell getting increasingly pissed off, she was getting frustrated as well; her partner’s little mind games weren’t scoring any more touchdowns. Meanwhile he wouldn’t listen to suggestions for plays and was determined to do it his way. _Dammit to Hell, Lucifer!_

 

With the Goons on offense they soon scored. Chloe had brought down Shalhoub and the ball bounced free, but before Gerard could get to it Rolfe snatched it up and powered down the field, pushing Ella aside and dodging around Walsh to even the scores. And so much for their secret weapon; Maze wasn’t being much help either. She didn’t seem at all interested in either defense or offense; she was far too busy tackling anyone who came near her, whether they had the ball or not. The Lieutenant gave her a warning after she jumped Vasquez as she was jogging to the sidelines to get a drink.

Chloe rounded on her. “What the hell, Maze? We need help with Rolfe. And why haven’t you been blocking for Lucifer?”

Maze barely looked at her. “He’s fine.” Unrepentant, she grinned, a feral gleam in her eyes. “I don’t know what it is, but they start running and I just have to chase them down. I like this game.”

Chloe’s jaw flexed. “Well quit it. It’s not helping, and one more foul and the Lieu is going to bench your ass.”

 

On the next play Henderson got the ball and bolted up the field. He glanced back and saw Morningstar suddenly right behind him, unnervingly black eyes fixed on him and his teeth bared in a manic grin.

“Ha ha! The Devil’s on your heels, Jump Street! RUN!”

Henderson _knew_ that Morningstar’s devil schtick was just a gimmick; even so, his skin crawled and he felt the telltale fluttering in his gut of a spurt of adrenalin. His legs pumped harder with a sudden burst of speed and his lungs burned… he was so close - ! Just as he reached the goal line Rolfe came crashing in from the side to wrap his beefy arms around Morningstar’s middle. He hung doggedly off the back of him, but it took another two guys to finally take the consultant down, cursing inventively. Henderson breathed a sigh of relief. What the hell was that guy _on_??!

Chloe swore. Another touchdown - the Goons had taken the lead. This game could definitely be going better, though admittedly they were doing much better than usual. The latest touchdown seemed to have brought back the Goons’ usual swagger, and Henderson started twirling the ball and smirking at her. Suddenly he yelped and jumped about a foot in the air, dropping the ball. He spun around and goggled at Lucifer, who was right behind him.                                   

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Henderson’s face was an alarming shade of red.

“Offering you my congratulations, of course,” Lucifer replied graciously.

“You grabbed my ass!”

“Mine too!” another guy called out.

“But it’s the done thing, isn’t it, to congratulate for a touchdown?” Lucifer looked baffled. “You were all pawing at Robocop over there a while ago.”

“Yeah, but not with both hands!”

“Ah. Right.” Lucifer grinned shamelessly. “My mistake.”

Chloe laughed her ass off. She couldn't help it.

 

A half dozen plays later Lucifer intercepted a pass and started sprinting down the field only to have Maze suddenly dart in and clothesline him from out of nowhere. The club owner was well over six feet but she knocked him flying, silencing any cops who doubted a five-foot-five -and-change female ex-bartender was bounty hunting hardened crims on her own.

Chloe winced for Lucifer as his feet went over his head and he slammed into the ground, but a part of her couldn’t help being impressed as well. Maze must have a black belt in judo at the very least - maybe Trixie could get self defence lessons from a live-in, real-life, well-close -enough-it -really- doesn’t- matter ninja.

As Lucifer hit the dirt, Dan was laughing so hard he was doubled over. “HAHAHAA!! That was awesome!” he gasped to Ella, tears in his eyes. “Now I don’t feel so bad about when she…uh.” He stopped abruptly.

“When she what?” Ella shot him a penetrating look.

“Ah… nothing. I er, hope Lucifer’s okay.”

Meanwhile, Lucifer _was_ okay, but still on the ground and bitching loudly. “Damn it Maze, that was uncalled for! We’re on the same bloody team!”

Maze looked down at him, lifting a shoulder and an eyebrow and the corner of her mouth twitching impudently.

“Sorry.” Clearly not sorry.

It seemed Amenadiel, watching from the sidelines, had also enjoyed seeing Lucifer knocked on his ass, because he was clapping and laughing fit to bust.

“Yeaaahhh! Nice hit Maze!”

Still flat on his back Lucifer retorted, “Give it up Amenadiel! Maze isn’t going to play hide the sausage with you any more. Your tackle can turn blue for all she cares!”

Amenadiel stopped laughing and looked ready to run over and punch him, but stopped and chuckled instead.

“Hey Luci,” he taunted. “You gonna lie there for the rest of the game? Want a pillow and a blanket?”

Lucifer got up and promptly yelled back, “ Blue! _Blue_ , I tell you!”

Ella sighed. “Yep, they’re brothers all right.”

 

Olivia blew her whistle for a break, at the same time sending Maze off, who, after a protracted and very heated argument which was only resolved when Olivia pulled rank on her, scowled and stomped mutinously off the field. She found a spot away from everyone else and sat and fumed silently, the fury in her eyes as she repeatedly cracked her knuckles more than sufficient to discourage the various individuals wanting to hit on her.

Meanwhile the team headed over to Trixie, who had water and orange wedges for everyone and some choice words for their errant quarterback.

“Lucifer, what the heck are you doing?” Several of the team echoed her sentiments.

Lucifer was taken aback. “Whatever do you mean? I’m playing gridiron! Rather well for my first time, if I do say so …” He preened a little.

“You’re trying real hard, and that’s good, but you’re hogging the ball! If you keep trying to do it all on your own the other team will just keep going after you and we won’t get any more touchdowns. And that’s _not_ good.” She put her hands on her hips. “That’s why everyone’s all playing together, so you can help each other out. Mr Rossi my gym teacher says ‘there is no ‘I’ in T-E-A-M.”

She nodded once with an air of finality, like that explained everything.

Lucifer was mystified. “No, there isn’t, but what on Earth has that got to do with it? I have heard gym teachers aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed but if they can’t even manage basic spelling they shouldn’t be working at a school, they should be attending it.”

Ella patted him on the shoulder. “Dude, it’s a saying. Like, a metaphor, you know?”

Lucifer swore under his breath _. Not more bloody metaphors…!_

“It means you can’t do it all yourself - these guys are too good. We gotta play together, and do it a bit smarter.” Ella nodded at Trixie, then at Lucifer, who this time actually seemed to be listening. “I got some plays we can try. That is, if our quarterback's had enough of getting knocked on his butt.”

 

*************************************

As they headed back onto the field Chloe spotted Trixie marching determinedly over to where Maze sat - and by the look on her daughter’s face Maze was gonna get it for beating up on one of her favourite people.

At the start of the second half it was Goon Squad 2, Red Ninjas 1. Rolfe started running the ball and Lucifer headed straight for him as usual, disappearing under a barrage of six goon linebackers. Rolfe dodged around them, coming face to face with Kalama and Gerard. Kalama threw herself at Rolfe, wrapping her strong arms around him and pinning his arms, the ball in the crook of his arm. Gerard punched the ball out, catching it as it flew into the air then whirling away to sprint up the field.

He made it about twenty yards before a defender dove at him; just before he got hit he stopped short, spun nimbly out of the way like a matador avoiding a bull, then took off again before the Goon even realised what had happened. Lucifer, who had picked himself up by now, cheered in approval at the highly sneaky maneuver and yelled, “OLE!” at the top of his lungs, cheering in delight when Dan muscled aside another defender and Gerard performed a spectacular backflip over the Goons’ goal line to even the scores once again. Football with flair! _Lucifer likes!_

The Ninjas and the watching crowd whooped their approval and Dan and Gerard laughingly performed a little chest bump. On the sidelines, Trixie and Maze cheered and clapped; Trixie had apparently finished telling Maze off and had granted her an amnesty as she was watching the game seated in her room mate’s lap.

For the next play Lucifer took up the ball and several Goons headed for him, convinced he’d try to run it again. Instead, he deftly handed it off to Dan, waiting in the backfield, who tucked it under his arm and started running hard up the sideline, chin down, like a man on a mission.

As Lucifer ran past the surprised Goons he laughed and yelled back at Dan, “Run, Forrest! Run!”

Dan mentally slapped him upside the head but kept going. The Goons soon rallied, and were moving to block Dan when he suddenly stopped and passed the ball back to Lucifer, who by now was a fair way up the field.

Lucifer bounded along, easily deflecting first Groucho Marx then Frank Drebin by shoving his large hand in their faces. He grinned as he spotted Chloe sprinting past Rolfe and Cordell, long legs pumping and blonde hair flying as she crossed the last dozen yards into their end zone. Her head whipped around and when she’d spotted him, he quickly threw her the ball. She caught it easily, beaming from ear to ear.

Another touchdown! Lucifer was about to convey to her his admiration when everything went abruptly pear-shaped.

 

Tucking in his chin, Cordell charged Chloe, driving into her body with his shoulder and delivering a glancing blow to her face with his head. The spectators gasped as one as Chloe flew backwards, hitting the ground with a horrible bonelessness, the ball bouncing loose. In an instant Lucifer was beside her, cupping her face with his hand.

“Chloe?” Her eyelids fluttered and she groaned, blood trickling slowly from her nose. Her eyes blinked open and she took a couple of seconds to focus on the worried face above her.

“Lucifer...”

Through the red haze of rage descending across his vision and a roaring in his ears Lucifer faintly heard Trixie scream, “MOMMMYYY!” and Dan yell, “You son of a _bitch_!”

He was barely aware he was up and moving again, headed straight for Cordell, growling in fury with hardly a coherent thought in his head other than _I am going to tear your head off you_ **_bastard_ ** _._

Suddenly everyone was yelling and pushing. A wall of people materialised as they rushed in to hold both he and Dan back from Cordell. Lucifer shoved ruthlessly through, bellowing “ _Let - me - at - him!_ ” The lieutenant was shouting something but he ignored her. By the time Trixie, gripping Maze’s hand tightly, had run to her mother’s side, Ella and a couple other cops were there as well, helping Chloe sit up. She was slightly woozy and wiping blood from her nose, but she held Trixie’s hand and reassured her gently.

“I’m alright, monkey. Don’t worry, mommy’s okay.” Then a little louder, she repeated, “Guys, I’m okay! Everyone chill out!”

She saw Lucifer had reached Cordell. Despite several cops trying to pull him off, he had his fists bunched in the detective’s shirt and was hauling him bodily off the ground. She’d seen that black look on his face before, and it never boded well for anyone on the receiving end.

“ _LUCIFER!_ Stop! I’m okay! Let him go.”

Lucifer stopped and looked at her with cold fury in his eyes. “Let him go? After what he just did?” He glared back at Cordell and gave him a furious shake.

“Certainly I’ll let him go. But not before I’ve rammed his head up his own arse…”

“Stop it, I’m fine. It was an accident…”

Lucifer snarled, “It bloody well was not!”

“Come on, please, Lucifer. I’m okay.”

He stopped and looked at her. She swiped at her nose again; the light bleeding had already stopped. She had a bit of a headache, her right knee hurt like hell, and she’d have some bruises tomorrow, but otherwise she felt fine.

“Very well.” Lucifer lowered Cordell to the ground but didn’t let him go. Dan also acquiesced, raising his hands in surrender so his colleagues would let him pass. He gave Cordell a disgusted look and hurried over to check on his ex-wife and help comfort a shaking Trixie.

Lucifer, however, gave Cordell another brisk shake to regain his attention; the fool was staring at Chloe with a glazed look on his face. How dare he zone out whilst being shirt-fronted by the Lord of Hell? He had promised the Detective he’d be more lenient towards this spiteful little prat but that didn’t mean he’d let him off scot-free.

 

“What did you do that for?” Lucifer demanded.

Cordell jumped, and stared at him. “What?”

“Why did you assault Detective Decker?” Lucifer’s voice lowered persuasively. “Was it to get back at me?”

“I don’t know… uh… I... wanted her to... pay.”

Lucifer blinked. “Pay for what, exactly? She’s done nothing wrong.”

Cordell frowned, confused. “I… don’t know. She got Malcolm… he killed Tony...”

“Yes; she did you a favour. She stopped your partner’s killer for you. Why would you want to punish her for that?”

Cordell looked at him in sudden anguish. “Because... it should’ve been me!”

Lucifer gave the other man a long appraising look. Cordell quailed as the look suddenly turned fierce.

“You snivelling little maggot. This is about jealousy? All the time she knew Graham was dirty and had the guts to stand her ground, all you did was persecute her. You all did. And now you know that she was right, you’re blaming her for your own failings? How _dare_ you! She is not your scapegoat, _none of it was her fault!_ ”

Chloe walked over and gingerly put her hand on Lucifer’s shoulder. “Lucifer… I don’t think he meant it like that.”

Lucifer huffed testily. “Well what the Hell _did_ he mean then?”

Chloe spoke quietly. “He feels guilty he wasn’t the one who got Malcolm, like maybe if he had Tony would still be alive?” She looked at Cordell with compassion. Cordell glanced at her, but quickly looked away.

“Cordell… Graham had everybody fooled, even his own partner. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Tony. He was a good cop. Graham only got what he deserved because of Lucifer here, not me.” She squeezed Lucifer’s shoulder.

“If it wasn’t for him, Graham would’ve killed me too.” She swallowed past a sudden dryness in her throat. “And my little girl.”

Cordell’s entire body seemed to sag as Lucifer released him and stepped back. Cordell looked at Chloe, then over at Trixie who was watching him warily from her father’s arms, her face pale and her eyes haunted. His face crumpled with the realisation of what he’d done.

“Decker… oh God, I’m so sorry. Are you alright? I don’t know what I was thinking! I can’t believe I did that.” Cordell couldn’t meet her gaze; scalding hot shame burned through him. Decker was being nice to him, even after this, _on top_ of all the months of shit he’d put her through at the department. He was profoundly grateful for it but his insides churned horribly and he wished the ground would crack open and swallow him whole.

As Chloe graciously accepted that fool Cordell’s grovelling apology and even sympathised with him about the loss of his partner, Lucifer’s eyes narrowed as he pondered the man’s choice of words.

_I can’t believe I did that._

He’d heard those words many times before. It was part of the game he played with humans, drawing out their forbidden desires and having fun watching them give in. He liked giving people what they wanted. He’d never understood why they would want to reign in their desires in the first place - his father had gifted the lucky buggers with Free Will, after all.

They fairly brimmed with passions, yet were forever denying them. Whether out of cowardice, guilt or the threat of judgment the end result was the same: useless bloody frustration, which he was only too happy to help them relieve.

But there was a flip side to their freedom - the twisted cravings of some to inflict suffering on others. Lucifer had no idea where that kind of corruption came from, perhaps it was just a glitch in their programming. Even after thousands of years Lucifer remained highly incensed that humans blamed him for it. Bastards.

Did they all harbour that kind of depravity? Even everyday, law-abiding, ‘good’ people? He was pretty sure the Detective didn’t, but he already knew she was abnormal. Lucifer saw every day the kinds of cruelty humans were capable of, and wondered just how much more was suppressed, lying hidden beneath the surface.

Hidden, that is, until they blundered unwittingly into the Devil’s influence and acted upon those desires. Cordell had acted upon his, but if Lucifer hadn’t been there, would he have still done it?

He’d been having a lovely time, feeling part of something again after being an outcast for so long. But had his presence been the reason Cordell finally snapped? And that the Detective got hurt? Perhaps Amenadiel was right after all. Perhaps the human and the divine didn’t mix...

Lucifer stopped, appalled at the notion. What the bloody Hell was he thinking … Amenadiel _right_? Bollocks to that! He’d obviously been spending too much time with that mopey git. Lucifer decided he’d had enough of this decidedly unwelcome train of thought and sauntered back to the Detective, tapping her lightly on the shoulder.

“This is boring. Can we get on with the game now?” She glared at him, clearly still not finished with Cordell, but judging by the way the man squirmed, apologised yet again, and made a hasty escape, he’d probably been punished enough. Lucifer let him go; he'd repented, Chloe had forgiven him. If his remorse didn't 'stick' he could always find Cordell at the station and have another little chat.

 

Chloe’s knee was too sore to play on so she reluctantly sat it out with Maze and Trixie. There wasn’t long left to play and the scores were tied and they simply _had_ to win this game. It's what the Detective wanted, and why he was here; Lucifer was determined to be on his best behaviour and not make any more stupid mistakes. Olivia blew her whistle and it was on again.

With the Ninjas on offense Lucifer dodged around the tussling mass of players in the scrimmage, evading a couple of tackles and offloading the ball to Kalama. She raced up the field and met a Goon head on, charging through for several more yards, not stopping until she was picked bodily up off the ground by two more defenders.

They reset and tried again, and this time Walsh caught a short pass only to lose the ball when he was immediately flattened by a Goon. After the turnover Rolfe sprinted with the ball up the sideline and almost made it to the Ninjas’ endzone, except Lucifer knocked the stuffing out of him with a flying tackle and the ball flew from his hands. Chloe’s heart was in her mouth as other goons dived for it, but Dan flew in and jumped on the ball before they got there. The Ninjas thankfully had the turnover, but the line of scrimmage was dangerously close to the Ninjas' endzone.

 

Chloe glanced at the clock – half a minute left, only time for one last play! She saw Ella gesture to Dan, and they both turned and sprinted for the far end of the field. Beside her Maze and Trixie had spotted them too and were screaming _RUN!_

She gestured frantically at them and yelled at Lucifer. “Hail Mary, Lucifer! _Hail Mary_!”

Lucifer looked over at her in annoyance. "For goodness’ sake make up your mind, Detective!” He dodged like a hare and RoboCop hit the dirt. “You can't expect either of us to- ” he neatly sidestepped another tackle, “ - to help if you’re going to be so bloody fickle!"

Chloe nearly screamed. Couldn’t he drop character for even one goddamned second? There wasn’t any time - a crowd of goons led by Cordell’s cronies were heading straight for him and they couldn’t afford to lose the ball now!

"LUCIFER! Hail Mary PASS! Throw the damn ball! To Dan! In the end zone, quick!" She gesticulated wildly down the field to Dan and Ella. A smile of understanding broke across his features.

"Ah I see! Right you are Detective! Brace yourself, Sir Douche!"

He pivoted gracefully, brought his bent arm back and threw a perfect spiral, the ball flying high and fast to the far end of the field. Everyone froze, eyes following its flight, and didn’t see Lucifer crouch slightly, plant his left foot, and square his shoulders with a dark grin on his face. And just as Shalhoub and Henderson ploughed into him, he bumped back, _hard_. Their forward momentum undone in an instant, both of them were hurled backwards as if they’d been hit by a truck. They landed in a heap on the ground several feet away and Lucifer chuckled, clapping his hands together as if to knock the dust off.

Meanwhile the ball had reached the end zone and suddenly Dan was there, leaping into the air to catch it against his chest, the solid impact forcing a soft _whuff_ from his lungs. A defender dove for him, reaching desperately for the ball, but Ella flung herself on him, wrapping her arms around his chest and tumbling them to the ground. Dan sprawled backwards over the top of them clutching the ball, skidding to a stop on the grass just before Olivia blew the whistle to end the game.

Touchdown! The watching crowd burst into wild cheers and Chloe whooped and hollered and jumped up and down, just as excited as Trixie. They’d finally beat them!

Ella came running up to grab Lucifer around the middle in a bear hug. “That was incredible! You guys nailed that pass! I can’t believe it! What a _finish_!!”

Lucifer smiled, inordinately pleased. “It was rather… satisfying, and with only the bare minimum of bloodshed.” He spared a glance for the two men groaning on the ground and added, “Count yourselves fortunate.”

Trixie arrived in a screaming, bouncing ball of excitement from the sidelines, grabbing both of Lucifer’s hands and madly jumping up and down yelling “Lucifer! That was so cool!”

When Dan ran up smiling and rubbing absently at his ribs Trixie squealed and barrelled into him as well.

“Daddy! That was such a good catch! You and Lucifer did such great teamwork!” She whooped as Dan laughed and lifted her into the air.

“Thanks, monkey! I think it was your great pep talk that really helped. You were the best mascot!”

“Thanks Daddy!” With her arms around his neck and grinning happily, Trixie gazed thoughtfully into her father’s eyes. Dan’s heart soared at the sight of his little girl proud of him again.

“Hey Daddy, what does ‘disembowel’ mean?”

Dan’s eyebrows flew up. He sighed, looked back over his shoulder to where Lucifer was being congratulated by Ella and threw him a dirty look. Lucifer noticed and frowned. What had he done now? Hadn’t he just helped him win the game? Honestly, there was no pleasing that douche.

 

Maze stalked over and crouched next to the two winded men still recovering on the ground. Her face was expressionless but her eyes glinted strangely, and Dan could’ve sworn she _growled_. She reached to the small of her back and suddenly a wickedly curved blade was twirling lightly in her hand. Where the Hell did she get that from?

“You two got off light. You or your idiot friend try anything with Lucifer or Chloe again and I’ll have all six of your balls dipped in glitter for Christmas tree ornaments.” Her arm snaked out, lightning fast, the blade hissing through the air. She halted a hair’s breadth from Shalhoub’s crotch and both men yelped and flinched violently. Even Dan couldn’t help wincing.

“Got it?”

They nodded vehemently; Dan was pretty damn sure they’d got it alright.

As Maze rose and headed towards where he was watching with an amused Lucifer, Dan felt a new respect and more than a little apprehension towards the bounty hunter. He decided not to comment on her concealed weaponry (she probably had a permit), or the fact she just threatened two police officers (they probably deserved it)... rather to play it safe, starting with a compliment.

“Maze, I gotta say, you’re a demon on the football field!”

Maze cut him a look. “Well done, Captain Obvious. Though I couldn’t do anything stuck in Limbo over there.”

Lucifer grumbled, “Well, the penance was utterly inappropriate for the crime in my expert opinion. Who ever heard of _sitting down_ as a punishment?! I mean really! You deserve at least a flogging for that little WWE stunt.”

“Still worth it.” Maze stretched like a cat under Lucifer’s glower and licked her top lip suggestively. “And as for the flogging, is that a promise?”

“Right.” Dan shook his head. Count him out of this weird ass conversation. “I’m getting a beer. You guys coming?” He started walking, and the other two fell in beside him.

Lucifer’s lip curled in distaste. “Yes, but I’ve earned more than a beer, I’d say.” He gestured towards the barbecues, where it appeared a few of his staff from Lux had set up a small generator-powered bar and had started serving fancy beverages to the crowd. It looked like there was even an ice-cream machine for the kids! Trixie had disappeared; he had no doubt she was one of the horde already swarming excitedly around it, keen to spoil their dinner.

Dan looked about to object so Lucifer headed him off with a raised hand.

“No need to quote by-laws at me, Constable Killjoy! We’re legal, not serving in glass and have all the necessary special event permits - I called in some favours. I thought perhaps LA’s finest might appreciate some _al fresco_ refreshments that didn’t require beer hats.”

Dan regarded him with surprise. “Oh. Thanks, man. That’s really… you didn’t have to do that.”

Lucifer looked uncomfortable. “Think nothing of it. I had to bring something, and I don’t swill beer if it’s at all avoidable.”

 

They spotted Chloe limping towards them with a huge grin on her face and hurried to meet her halfway. She threw her arms around both of them, laughing delightedly.

“Guys! That last play, man, words fail me! You kicked ass!”

Dan turned to Lucifer. “Yeah Lucifer, have to say, you have one Hell of an arm on you.”

Lucifer beamed. “I have two, actually. Though as far as appendages go they certainly aren’t my most impressive.” Chloe rolled her eyes at him, then tilted her head meaningfully towards Dan.

Lucifer missed her subtle signal completely and rather than return the compliment launched into a detailed account of the game, not shutting up until after the teams had all shook hands and were gathering at the bar. They chatted with several of the Goons, who were in suspiciously high spirits considering they’d just lost for the first time.

She thought they were being uncharacteristically good sports and felt slightly guilty that she’d thought them too competitive. That is, until Dan came back and murmured some intel in her ear.

“Thought you should know – Rolfe and some of the guys are planning to have a little fun with Lucifer… I hear they’re gonna get him drunk and cuff him naked to the Hollywood sign.”

Chloe laughed. Outdrink Lucifer Morningstar? He drank like it was his job, which it kinda was. The man probably bled Macallan whisky. And the handcuffs wouldn’t be an issue either. Or the nudity for that matter. Chloe was touched that Dan would come and warn her though, especially since she knew that if it wasn’t for her, he’d no doubt be one of the ringleaders.

She replied, “Well, for a simple three step plan it somehow has three major flaws.” She giggled again and he looked at her doubtfully.

“Don’t worry about Lucifer, he’ll be fine. Don’t know about them, though - they don’t know who they’re dealing with.” Sure enough, Lucifer was enthusiastically topping up everyone’s glasses and chatting non-stop, no doubt regaling everyone with tales of his brilliance on the football field and asking for handgun recommendations. It looked like Lucifer Morningstar, civilian consultant, by virtue of surprise football skills, devilish charm and liberal application of free booze, was ‘all right’ with the LAPD.

 

 *************************************

“Luficer.”

“No no, love, it’s _Lu -CI- fer_.”

“Looficer.”

Lucifer shook his head and gave up. This extremely small human also seemed to be extremely dense.

The little girl balanced on wobbly legs and gazed up at him thoughtfully. She smiled, then suddenly started toddling rapidly towards him, arms outstretched.

His eyes widened in alarm.

“What do you want?” He raised his hands and backed away, and was disconcerted to see that she followed him. He changed direction. So did she. Casting around desperately he spotted Chloe, who was watching the proceedings and trying her hardest not to smile.

“Uh… a little help here, Detective? Call her off!”

“Why? What’s wrong, Lucifer?” she asked innocently.

“This little ankle biter appears to be stalking me.”

Ella suddenly appeared next to her, also enjoying the spectacle of Lucifer nervously beating a retreat from a kid not much higher than his knee.

She intoned solemnly, “ _Let the children come unto me_ …” and her and Chloe dissolved into helpless laughter. Lucifer shot them a black look. “Wrong brother, as you are well aware, Ms. Lopez,” he commented sourly.

He picked up a plastic pony that had been left on the ground and lobbed it next to his pursuer. She kept coming; too advanced for her, obviously. He continued his retreat, grabbing any objects that came to hand and using them to block her path. A folding chair, a portable cooler, a backpack... the little girl maneuvered around each obstacle chuckling delightedly, her pudgy arms out for balance, her pursuit relentless.

“Looficer. Loo-fi-cer.” She cooed cutely, and drooled. Lucifer regarded her fearfully, like she was crawling from a swamp in a horror movie.

 

He did a double take and cringed. “What on Earth is that on her hands?”

Chloe looked. Whatever it was, it was brown. And sticky.

“Mud. Or chocolate. Probably.”

“Probably?!”

“Well if it’s neither of those things I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know.” She started giggling again. She was enjoying this way more than she ought to be.

Lucifer blanched. “Oh good grief… _Maze_!”

Maze had also wandered over to enjoy the show. She grinned insolently at him and, airily waving the two drinks she’d started already, answered, “Sorry Lucifer, got my hands full at the moment.” Better him than her, she figured, and she wasn’t getting involved. Ugh - _spawn_. She snorted.

“What is she, like two feet high? What are you so afraid of? You could drop punt her across the park.”

Chloe and Ella gaped at her.

Maze looked slightly guilty. “What? I never said he SHOULD…”

 

Meanwhile, Lucifer was edging towards the Corvette, probably preparing to make a run for it. _Oh for the love of…!_ Chloe rolled her eyes and headed over. She held the giggling toddler’s elbow and steered her back to her amused mom with a smile. Then she limped back to her partner, who heaved a sigh of relief.

“ _Thank_ you.” He said with feeling. Then he shuddered. “I need a drink.”

Chloe linked her arm in his, much to his surprise. “Come on,” she said. “Let me buy our star quarterback a drink.”

He gave her the side-eye. “It’s an open bar. With my booze.”

“Okay then, I’m fetching.”

Lucifer looked down at her. She was grimy, had grass stuck to her shirt - the jersey he’d given her - and the late afternoon sun burnished her golden hair, half loose from its bun and tumbling over her shoulders. Her deep blue-green eyes looked up at him, crinkled slightly at the corners by her happy smile. How did she always manage to look so stunning? She didn’t even seem to care. He smiled cheekily and nudged her playfully with his shoulder.

“I’ve always thought so.”

Chloe huffed a laugh and shook her head as they strolled off towards the bar, Lucifer supporting Chloe with a companionable arm around her waist and starting in on an enthusiastic play-by-play of his new favourite game.

 

Behind them Ella did a quiet little happy dance and punched the air, while Maze rolled her eyes with a disgusted look on her face. She threw back both her drinks one after the other, then beckoned to Ella.

“Come on skank, if we’re gonna be dateless losers, we may as well be losers together. Let’s go get you stocked up on pina coladas.”

Ella giggled. “Sounds like a plan. And Lucifer even BYO’ed a new bar for us to destroy! So thoughtful, right? I’m sure there’s at least a half dozen cops you haven’t tackled yet today, so why don’t you get started on them?”

Maze grinned evilly. “I’m good. I already got all the hot ones.”

Ella burst into laughter, Maze joining in, as they walked over to join their friends in the late afternoon sunshine.

**Author's Note:**

> At Balboa Park you’re apparently not allowed to drink alcohol ‘under any circumstances’ but I fudged that, as we all know how persuasive the Prince of Darkness can be.  
> I knew next to nothing about American football before starting this fic, and know only slightly more after finishing it. I have to admit I found it very complicated and really hard to write. All the talk of inside slots, outside receivers and 5 step drops made my brain melt. So I have taken Wikipedia’s note that backyard footy rules are ‘ad hoc and vary from neighbourhood to neighbourhood’ and really, er, run with it.  
> I apologise for the kinda vague language/ glaringly obvious errors and hope you enjoyed it anyway!  
> And if anyone caught the ‘A Fish Called Wanda’ reference they’re automatically a legend. It’s part of a line said by the character Otto, who happens to be an American insulting an Englishman.


End file.
